i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
