A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
