i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
