You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
