I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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