The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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