i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
