I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
