I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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