SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
