He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
