I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You pole danced in your parka.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize