Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
