I think I died a long time ago.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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