We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize