Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
