dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
