oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
