He had one of those small greek statue penises
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
