i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
