you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
