You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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