I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
