I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
