If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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