Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
