I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
