i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize