I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I had to cum in my sink.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
