We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
