So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
