Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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