Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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