I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
