Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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