I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
