like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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