Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
