ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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