I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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