he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
