u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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