3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Dicks are not precious.
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