new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
