Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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