Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
