You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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