Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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