Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
