I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
