I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Of course I have a pirate flag
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
