While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
