dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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