Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
