I molested 6 butterflies tonight
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
