508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
