This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
