Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
