so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
