Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
