Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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