if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
