she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
