its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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