Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
