listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize