he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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