"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
