sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
