I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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