Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
