cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
