I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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