Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
