he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
