we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize