so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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