I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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