He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
