Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
