No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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