Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
