she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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