lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
