How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
