I want to have your abortion
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
