Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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