We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
