worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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