I'm so fucking centered right now
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
