Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
