wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The Olympian is in my bed
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize